I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could
live for no one else
But now through all the hurt & pain
It's time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything"
--Komm, süsser Tod (German: Come, Sweet Death)
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I wanted to post this along with my last post but I think it's gonna be quite long so...
The lyrics above is from the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion, oh well that's not the main point right now...
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So at first I wanted to say sorry to who ever nominated and voted me to be part of Student Council (SC for short). Sorry that I didn't make it, sorry that I did not prepare a proper speech, and most importantly, I'm sorry that I didn't put in as much effort as I am supposed to.
Not saying that I'm trying to be some drama queen here but these are what I want to say.
I had a camp coming up and as part of the committee I was quite busy, and my driving test was on the same day as the election speech day. I know these aren't excuses for me to neglect other important stuff, but I'm sorry I couldn't cope with it at that moment.
I realize that I was very wrong that when other people have expectations on me, I don't treat it as important as they do because of my own busyness... I'm sorry.
Even some new intakes came up to me and said that "Hey, I voted for you.", "You're the one that gave the speech that day right?", and there was one that I helped out at the photocopying machine, and she said "Thank goodness I voted for you".
Thanks for making me realize how bad I am.
And also for strengthening my belief that not only popular people gets it all. Yeah at first from my perspective, many voting-for-position stuff (except for politics) comes with popularity. But through this experience I started to see things in a different way.
I will change in the future. As I still believe in the happiness of helping and serving my community with what I am able to do.
And thanks for those who nominated me... well, I know some of you who did~ :)
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| Thanks for unlocking the feeling that I neglected~ |
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Now it's about my XJ family.
I wasn't really a really good leader during our camp organizing days, I believe that even some are talking behind my back (I mean who doesn't?).
Remembering the first few sessions when I was still social-phobic and I dare not use the photocopying machine at the Sin Chew office (4th floor I remember) when our camp leader had already asked permission to use it. And I delayed our job for a whole session...
Well, that was the first step I took to be more responsible for things.
And then I had to make souvenirs for my team members although I did not attend that camp personally. Haha, sewing their names on an accessory, 11 of them! It made me feel like more than a home when they were happy to receive it. I also got a teruterubozu back from my replacement (he also gave the whole group).
And when I was in the photography and reporting team, I remembered I had a little fight with a team member about music for the slide show, and he was quite unpleasant. I know it was my fault, totally. He even gave out the idea of adding a small video into that slideshow. When my team mentor asked things out, I didn't want to report it, but my mentor said to, so I told him our progressions. I felt so sorry, even in the end it was my team member who came to apologize to me.
And then now in this 30 hour famine camp, he is now my team leader and I am his assistant. I felt so happy that we're friends and still a family. And during camp when I was over tired, he helped out a lot too.
There is more to be a great leader than what I did for my team. There is a lot more to learn, especially from my camp leaders, they're all very observant and knows how to tackle problems.
I remember for our first camp organizing as a family, I was one of the nominees for camp leader because our mentors like my idea of planning a camp during our training periods. But I was quite socially-retarded and lack of critical thinking, so I let my team down...
But I will never forget what being in the XJ family has taught me. <3
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| Some of us who turned up that day~ |
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to be continued~
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