Me Myself & a little Self Reflection

"I know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could
live for no one else
But now through all the hurt & pain
It's time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything"

--Komm, süsser Tod (German: Come, Sweet Death)

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I wanted to post this along with my last post but I think it's gonna be quite long so...

The lyrics above is from the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion, oh well that's not the main point right now...

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So at first I wanted to say sorry to who ever nominated and voted me to be part of Student Council (SC for short). Sorry that I didn't make it, sorry that I did not prepare a proper speech, and most importantly, I'm sorry that I didn't put in as much effort as I am supposed to.

Not saying that I'm trying to be some drama queen here but these are what I want to say.

I had a camp coming up and as part of the committee I was quite busy, and my driving test was on the same day as the election speech day. I know these aren't excuses for me to neglect other important stuff, but I'm sorry I couldn't cope with it at that moment.

I realize that I was very wrong that when other people have expectations on me, I don't treat it as important as they do because of my own busyness... I'm sorry.

Even some new intakes came up to me and said that "Hey, I voted for you.", "You're the one that gave the speech that day right?", and there was one that I helped out at the photocopying machine, and she said "Thank goodness I voted for you".

Thanks for making me realize how bad I am.

And also for strengthening my belief that not only popular people gets it all. Yeah at first from my perspective, many voting-for-position stuff (except for politics) comes with popularity. But through this experience I started to see things in a different way.

I will change in the future. As I still believe in the happiness of helping and serving my community with what I am able to do.

And thanks for those who nominated me... well, I know some of you who did~ :)

Thanks for unlocking the feeling that I neglected~

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Now it's about my XJ family.

I wasn't really a really good leader during our camp organizing days, I believe that even some are talking behind my back (I mean who doesn't?).

Remembering the first few sessions when I was still social-phobic and I dare not use the photocopying machine at the Sin Chew office (4th floor I remember) when our camp leader had already asked permission to use it. And I delayed our job for a whole session...

Well, that was the first step I took to be more responsible for things.

And then I had to make souvenirs for my team members although I did not attend that camp personally. Haha, sewing their names on an accessory, 11 of them! It made me feel like more than a home when they were happy to receive it. I also got a teruterubozu back from my replacement (he also gave the whole group).

And when I was in the photography and reporting team, I remembered I had a little fight with a team member about music for the slide show, and he was quite unpleasant. I know it was my fault, totally. He even gave out the idea of adding a small video into that slideshow. When my team mentor asked things out, I didn't want to report it, but my mentor said to, so I told him our progressions. I felt so sorry, even in the end it was my team member who came to apologize to me.

And then now in this 30 hour famine camp, he is now my team leader and I am his assistant. I felt so happy that we're friends and still a family. And during camp when I was over tired, he helped out a lot too.

There is more to be a great leader than what I did for my team. There is a lot more to learn, especially from my camp leaders, they're all very observant and knows how to tackle problems. 

I remember for our first camp organizing as a family, I was one of the nominees for camp leader because our mentors like my idea of planning a camp during our training periods. But I was quite socially-retarded and lack of critical thinking, so I let my team down... 

But I will never forget what being in the XJ family has taught me. <3

Some of us who turned up that day~

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to be continued~

I'm 18! + XJ

I'm really really lazy to update my blog it seems so... @@

Okay, so I'll start off with recent events~

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July 4th, happy independence day America~ :D And a happy 18th birthday to me~

I remember when I found out when my birthday was a holiday for America when I was young I was like "whoa", but unfortunately I live in Malaysia... T.T

I never expected anything really, 1st time not getting excited for my birthday actually. And there's my class, 1305S3, singing me a birthday song in the physics lab when they heard someone else's got sang in the agora... == + xD *cute class*

Then when I was passing by 1305S2 class (they seemed free), so I wanted to ask Ji Kai something so I called him out from the back door, and the first thing he said is "Eh Happy Birthday~ :D" and someone in class heard it and they started singing another birthday song. with their lecturer Mr Chung in class!! @@ + xD *another cute class*

My housemates also treated me a Secret Recepie cake and I went out for dinner at Subway with Jian Yuan, Min Thee, Brian & new intake + friend Sylvia Chee~

My old classmates asked me out too. It started with my dear Shakey <3 asking me if I want to go out for movie during the weekend. She isn't the out-going type so I thought something fishy was going on. When I asked her "Are you guys...?", she said "no, no it's not what you think~ It's just pure wanna-watch-movie". Okay, so I went and was treated another Secret Recepie cake by Shakey, her sister, Janet, Ost, Javent, Blue Velvet, Eugene, Zheng Fan, we ate at BBQ Plaza and watched Despicable Me 2. In the end while I was texting Shakey, she finally said that it was all in planned..... ==

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Okay, I'm a very optimistic person, so I'm quite satisfied with my results....

Actually no.... :(

Although it was what I'd expected, my it's not up to my expectations. Gotta work hard.

Every time when I look upon others, I normally will think that "whoa, their results are so good/ whoa, top student/ he damn good leh" etc etc...

Actually I can be like them too, but something is missing that is pushing me to take actions.

I'm lost... :/

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Next up is Famine 30 DIY Camp by Xue Ji (student reporter) :DDDDD

Ever since I graduated, I've never been much active here at my 25th XJ family. Until this year, Wei Xin, as camp leader, came to ask if I wanted to join the committee (or organiser team/ facie as how they put it in MCKL). And I agreed~

It's that feeling back home two years before, where all our lives were much of organizing camps other than reporting. In total we held three camps, and this is my fourth one~ <3 And all the camps before were 3 days 2 nights/ 4 days 3 nights but this is just 2 days 1 night so it's much more easier.

All the feelings came back as I step into the Sin Chew HQ for the 1st time this year where we usually have our meetings. Meeting all my family members but the difference now is "which college are you studying at?" and some can drive already~ And some are even out station :ooooooo

Before the camp, some of them (which I believe are in the KL region) had met up at Kuen Cheng High School Festival (and I was there because some people in class invited the class), and I joined them walking around (instead of my classmates who were late and bla bla bla ==). It was fun, and I saw my group leader there too, it was like I looked at him and he looked at me and "whoa, what are you doing here!?" xD

Okay, in camp, we as usual, had been the sakai-est people who knows how to have fun here and there. 1st camp without mentors and we can go super crazy~ I remember for the committee introduction rehearsal Ji Kai was dancing some pretty childish moves and Chung Wei was being a total kid. Well, during the real introduction my group leader actually landed a pail on one of our member's head. xD

We can't eat as it is a famine camp. And being the field work team was tired of course, those tables were damn heavy!!! I remember getting dizzy and texted my leader that I was resting, and left my job undone!! When I woke up, he just entered the room and said that my job has been done. QAQ I totally <3 my family!!! Not long after Ji Kai came in saying that the next programme is beginning soon and we have work to do~ *and after our job is done we were taking crazy photos as usual behind the hall*

I like the night games, it's called the Dark World, where we hide the team's facies and shut the lights around that place off, and the campers need to use their candles to search for tips to find their facies back. *Best night game ever!!* *I remember as field work team I had fun turning off the lights xD* But because they were using candles, us field work team has to scrape the fallen wax on the floor after the game ==

Our adviser Kuok Gang also came as a special guest. *It seems that he's a volunteer* I miss the times where he used to make jokes around us. *I also remember he was one of the few people who suddenly said I had lost weight when I was doing the interview for PMR/SPM Chinese workshop  two years ago* xD

On the second day, early morning a few of us had to clean the toilet. And while we wait for our bus, we were playing ball, yeah just throwing here and there. At the stadium, we played those games and totally acted as a team and our shouts and cheers overpowered the opposing team xD

During the concert, my favorite was a certain BFF by Geraldine and Zhao Jie Ying, and Zui Qin Ai de Ni by Christine Fan. When BFF was sung, our juniors were doing some kind of moves, guess they had used that song for one of the camps they hold. I started missing those camps we held and the song Hong Qing Ting (Red Dragonfly) was sung, it was the theme song for the 1st camp we held, and we started remembering the moves to that song, although vaguely. That moment, memories came flowing back and it was yeah, beautiful and warm.

Our seniors said that no matter how we tell our friends, they won't truely understand the feeling of a student reporter. Yeah, I've been to many other camps, but they are all far from the moments my XJ family had gave me. XJ 13179 <3

My current desktop wallpaper <3

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I passed my driving test~ :)

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Signing out 1st~

回家饥饿

因为父母的关系，去年一整年没有什么出席学记活动（多亏我还能说我是学记==）。
这次得感激感激瑋昕同届给我参与今年的饥饿30学记自办营的工委团。好想念办营的感觉啊啊啊 T.T

这次参加了场地+舍监+接待组。很高兴能够和以前的组员一组，尤其是伊晨还有骏业（以前我是组长，现在骏业是组长了>.<）。

虽然这是个小营，没有以前那种四天三夜的大型筹备，不过工作还是一样重要，虽然轻了多。记得骏业说画场地图没什么用到，大家都是等要设站的时候才拿出来看的。xD 也是啦，因为场地组考察的时候节目组也会跟着去安排跑站，所以我们场地组的功劳只有在营内发挥作用……==

好啦，进营工作，由于大家进营时间多姿多彩，所以场地组做不了进营大扫除名单……结果很夜很夜才睡得着……

舞台设置

我们几个无聊的找到这个有趣的东西

开幕工委介绍彩排

开幕工委介绍彩排

开幕工委介绍彩排，特别喜欢这个角度

好喜欢出版组的设计 <3

小型会议

迟到的骏业

睡觉前~已经凌晨了……

第二天早上，营员进营。非常怀念在营里忙碌的感觉，帮同届的忙，和同届合作。还有看到学弟妹的脸。喜欢的还有当智壅学妹看到我的时候惊讶的脸，果然我太久没有回家了。T.T还记得她当初参加学记的原因是因为我哈哈。*回忆回忆*

20号房：工委宿舍

饥饿前最后的一餐

开幕彩排

开幕彩排

真的彩排……骏业把水桶盖上伊晨头上前的一幕@@

大合照 <3

我们在营员后面……

这张还不知道要感谢哪位人士帮忙拍的……==

等着游戏开始

好久没有做站长了（因为之前都做组长副组长），不过这个站很特别，分四个小站，我是负责安排营员去各自的站……==

站长做做下闲了，然后……

这位就是我们伟大的副秘书，牺牲自己帮大家拍照 <3
他手上拿的就是一个无法出席的工委的名卡 T.T

在之后就是表演游戏。

由于我头晕了，去休息。却忘了桌椅要安排，虽然说我发了信息通知组长。醒来后有点被吓醒，但是骏业不久后出现说 他收到了我的信息。二楼的桌椅已经搬好了。

我爱我的场地组啊啊啊、伊晨、露宜、明章…… <3

由于表演也要拍桌椅，所以叫基凯预先通知几时要我们去搬。自从骏业回来宿舍休息不久基凯就说要搬桌椅了，感觉我在累坏自己组长那样…… T.T

晚上就是冒险游戏。

话说我超喜欢这个冒险游戏的，要我们关灯吓营员，要他们在黑暗的学校找辅导员 xD 还有狼人盗贼的，很刺激~

可是由于节目组有用到蜡烛，所以场地组之后要到处刮蜡……==

又是一个夜深才入眠的夜晚。

第三天早上就是……大扫除清洗厕所。==

之后就是搭捷彦车去体育馆，虽然听说他驾车会危险，不过坐了之后才发现，我驾的才危险……==

离开营地之前，场地组做最后的检查工作~

等巴士的时候我们就在玩球……==

去到那里倒数就没有什么好写的了，只是看演唱会还有睡觉~
倒数活动后，吃了免费餐~ 还有开骏业在第一天晚上买的汽水们和大家一起喝。其实有点对不起他，所以付了他十块（半价）。 xD

演唱会唱BFF的时候场面很high~尤其是学弟妹们在做动作，应该有拿来当过营歌还是团康吧？
但是不久后就播了红蜻蜓，我们25届的宝贝营营歌。然后我们也就记忆模糊地做了当年俐颖创造的营歌手语，非常温馨的一刻。:')
果然出席今年的饥饿30，是个很不错的选择。

场面

最敬佩的音乐家+秘书

会超想念的组长

演唱会之后在火车站遇到学妹聊了下，27届的，她也说：“学姐，要记得常回家哦。”

我也想，但是很忙……T.T

在等父母的时候和秘书佩仪聊了下，也带有感伤的。

最后一次和25届一起办营的，以后只能回巢的，回巢时也不会有当初的这么多人了……

学记一生一起走啊…… <3

即使大家身处各地，一天学记终身学记吧？

我超爱你们的。

超爱你们这一家的。<3

倒数后的第一餐~
由于有多余的，所以我们工委……呵呵呵

饥饿30 <3